That's why I am still surprised that I found myself plotting with Kami to co-top the beautiful Eris, a long standing kinky friend who has been through a lot with me and who is now like a little sister. We were all at a club together and I was in an odd mood. I was still somewhat buzzing and sated from the Sushi scene. To be honest, I was also still a little hungover from New Year's Eve! So I found myself in the odd situation of wanting to play but not wanting to be played with – I was still too emotionally drained to want to be toyed with!
Why Eris, when I had the delectable Kami there to play with (yes, I am spoilt)? Firstly, I know Eris very very well. She has shared a great deal with me about her past experiences, about her kink, about what makes her tick and I felt confident that I could create a headspace for her, despite my lack of experience and skill. Secondly, she looked glorious in her corset and had been nicely warmed up by her very generous boyfriend. Finally, I was not confident of my skills with implements so co-topping with Kami, who is fabulous at topping and who I trusted absolutely, seemed a good way of ensuring that I could play in a safe way despite being a rookie.
I took some time to build up Eris's trepidation before taking her downstairs to the dungeon. The advantage of being a fellow bottom is that you know just how powerful things like grabbing someone by the base of their hair and making them look up at you or whispering threats in their ear can be. Eris was already a bit unsteady by the time we got her downstairs!!
Kami appeared happy for me to take a lead on the setting up of the scene (it wasn't exactly planned, but worked out that way!) and I talked to Eris repeatedly as Kami beat her with a ruler, telling her why she was being beaten, what a good girl she was for keeping still, making her beg for each stroke etc. etc. I went for reassuring and comforting whilst being cold and relentless – I knew that would get into Eris's head nicely!!! I winced at every stroke Kami made and I simply couldn't have hit her that hard.. I knew objectively, from knowing Eris, that this was within her tolerance level and that actually Kami was spot on the line – pushing her to the limit but just comfortably on the right side of it – but I really struggled not to tell her to stop. I was grateful I had established there would be a dozen strokes before the scene started as I would otherwise have bottled it and stopped early!
After the dozen, I could see Eris was floating but not fully there. Given her earlier warm up and fresh strokes, her bottom looked too sore to continue so I pushed her up against the wall and whipped her breasts with a flogger. By now, I was feeling much more confident. I had seen her take a lot of punishment on this area before and was confident that I couldn't do anything too dangerous with the soft flogger. Having full access to her face and facial expressions also allowed me to judge how she was doing more effectively so I was better able to fine tune the talking, reassuring and threatening. I really quite enjoyed this part, but interestingly Kami later stated that she would never have flogged Eris as hard as I – it shows its harder to watch than to do! The scene ended in hugs and a fair bit of trembling and I was reassured that the experience had been hot (interestingly as much by Kami who rather enjoyed my toppy side!). I was actually pretty nervous that I hadn't been up to scratch but felt reassured after numerous hugs.
So, am I going to change my mind and occasionally top? Occasionally, maybe. More than that? Nope. I enjoyed giving Eris pleasure but I could have just as easily bought her a present or baked her a cake! I felt strangely unmoved, untouched by it all. I had been a bit nervous at getting it right and had enjoyed the simple pleasure of making a stroke land where I had aimed at but had got nothing intrinsically from the process. My inner sadist is either missing or well hidden. If someone I cared about wanted me to do this for them, I absolutely would because it was lovely to do something nice for someone. Beyond that, I remain a bottom through and through.
The experience was well worth it though because it did give me more insight into tops. Marlowe worries sometimes that I will be scared or put off by his inner sadist. He's very wrong. This experience taught me to love it even more than I did before. His inner sadist means that I can self-indulgently enjoy being the centre of the scene as a bottom without having to worry that he is getting nothing from it. I can lie back and hand over responsibility knowing that not only will he enjoy giving me pleasure and enjoy a job well done, but will also get something from seeing me squirm, seeing me in pain. If he didn't, he might be just as unmotivated as I to top and then where would I be.
Vive the difference I say.
PS: Kami found me hot enough as a top to ask me to cane her! I won't detail this here as its a story to be told by Marlowe but, as this was another voucher, I thought I'd note it here!!
You DID look so hot... :)
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