paul mckenna eat your heart out

Marlowe and I this weekend had a lot of fun with something we have only played with before - erotic hypnosis.

I have always been a sceptic and was somewhat convinced that I could never be hypnotised but actually our first few attempts at playing with this just to see if I could be hypnotised had surprised me by their effectiveness. It is a very strange experience - you are at once entirely in control of your body and entirely out of control. I am aware of all that is happening and know that I could pull myself out of the trance and refuse if I was asked to do something that was really abhorrent to me. However, I find my body reacting to instruction with my conscious mind playing "catch up" and more than once I have persuaded myself I was just going along with things in order to explain why I suddenly found myself with my arm in the air for no apparent reason.

We decided to use hypnosis to enhance a role play scenario that we had already been playing around with - Mary, a catholic schoolgirl who, although trying to be good, always seemed to mess up. Marlowe took me down into my subconscious in a trance like state and asked me to look into a mirror and see Mary there. I was able to observe and describe her like she was actually there - like she was a person independent of me. Marlowe then instructed me to step into the mirror and become Mary.

Instantly, there was a shift in body language, attitude and thoughts. It was noticeable to me and apparently very notable to Marlowe. This first attempt at role play was just used to introduce me to Mary but, to see if the character could be altered, Marlowe proceeded to talk me (Mary at that time) through some instructions to see if I could become aroused. At the peak of this, he instructed me to leave the mirror and return to me, Lily. The arousal disappeared instantly and I had no connection to my previous body state. This was a very strange experience.

On a second attempt, I went into Mary as before and stayed as Mary for an entire scene (a relatively short one as we wanted to see how well this would work). Father Brown was pushing Mary for being caught masturbating (a cliche but it works....). What was odd for me was that I behaved completely differently to normal during the punishment scene. I was desperate to please Father Brown and was mortified when I did not take a stroke well. I worked very very hard to stay still and silent and accept my punishment like a good girl (something I'm not reknowned for - I usually have to either wriggle or squinny or sometimes both). I was also desperate to receive every last stroke, and firmly at that, as I wanted to correct my mistake and learn to be better. There was no begging, pleading, or attempts at managing the situation. I was getting what I deserved.

A different punishment experience lead to a completely different outcome for me. The experience actually tapped into something within me and released a whole load of emotion that I wasn't aware of. Father Brown had been incredibly nurturing of Mary and had helped her to learn what she had done wrong but showed her he still loved her. I think this really tapped into some of my own childhood emotions of feeling like I was doing something wrong but not really knowing what - Mary received what I never had, a sense of loving correction and acceptance that I was trying my best and that I was only human. Don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing that I had been spanked more as a child (though maybe.....), it is simply that Father Brown provided nurturance and forgiveness for a lost and guilty girl - Mary had obviously represented aspects of my subconscious and the caring and loving she received was more than welcomed by my inner child. A bit over analytical maybe, but all I know is I felt lighter and more at peace that night than I had in a while. And, while I'm not unfamiliar with using punishment as a release for current emotion, it had previously not been able to reach deep enough into me to release past emotion. Hypnosis had allowed me to go deeper into myself and my emotions.

I can't wait to explore all the other personalities in there and see what kink and hypnosis does for them - I visualised a whole hall of mirrors, all with different names and different faces. It could be a busy winter...