I wrote this posting the day after we first discussed starting this blog. Since then we have discussed things, set up a blog and written introductions. That renders some of this account less relevant, but I am posting it with a minimum of editing as i think that to re write it would see me editorialising too much and I want what I put here to be as honest and from the heart as I can safely make it.
Some questions are tricky to ask. One of the problems of having obscure tastes is finding out whether they are shared. Role-playing (in the non-kink sense, which is a shared hobby of the three of us and how Lyra met us) is a classic example, as asking the wrong person can get you labelled as geek or freak so one learns some caution in enquiring if you think this might be a shared interest with someone you work with.
With kink, its whole orders of magnitude scarier. Some people treat it as a joke, some treat it as a crime but the trickiest thing is that references to kink are quite commonplace nowadays, but many people who think a bit of slap and tickle is fine can still seriously judge you if you admit you actually like the idea of taking things a little more seriously.
So, what do you do when you think you've seen that glint of real interest? I guess that being mildly “out” about my sexuality in roleplaying circles helps, so at least one can make comments about kink, but there's still that careful veil between light hearted comment with people having a notion that you are a part of the fetish scene (whatever the hell that means – hmm, I'll postpone that rant to another day) and making any comment that might break people.
How do you word it when you think someone might be more seriously interested?
“well, my dear, it looks like you might be interested in kink. It would be lovely to tie you up, cane you and call you nasty names...”
Hmm, maybe not, but then there's the risk of getting trapped in some stumbling, Hugh Grant-esque extended mumbling where you never come to the point, never actually communicate and, frankly, look a bit of a tit!
So, context, its late April, there's a roleplaying game on in our nearest city (that I almost bail on as I'm tired, except I need to NPC – thank the goddess I went!) and I make some comment about "the last time I saw someone playing a maid it went really quite differently ..." to a friend of ours. General humour for those listening with a slight tinge of fun as some people know I probably mean it but, hey, I'm feeling relaxed and a little exhibitionist. Then I see the glint.
The Glint? Come on, surely you know the glint? You've seen it when flirting with someone receptive. You've seen it pass between two people and known, just known, they're fighting to keep passion in check. It's damn easy to be sure about when you see it between others, harder to be sure about when you see a flash of it to a comment of yours. Harder still when the woman involved is seriously cute and seems always popular and surrounded. Sure, we get on OK but she's really pretty and hey, surely she gets any experiences she's interested in?
Only kink's not that simple. It can be a vague restless itch until you find a way to explore it. Even those for whom its a raging fire can spend years finding a way to start exploring in a way that's safe and has real chemistry, so maybe she'd like to play? Maybe she'd really value being pointed into the right direction and introduced to the scene? After all, we have a pretty good range of contacts and there's something lovely about helping set someone on their first faltering steps in exploring their sexuality in safety and support (and there are plenty who start instead in shame and danger).
Then conversation swirls in another direction and the moment goes.
Enough context – what do you do next? Do you ask? How?
Remember here that this is someone who is part of a wider social circle which is important to us and a clumsy and unwanted proposition could have a real effect on our social lives (not to mention reputation!). Is it worth the risk? Life's fine as it is and I'm far from short of kink experiences to access. Hmm.
Next day I write a short email. It's crass and clumsily suggestive. I delete and re-write. It's uncomfortably direct. Delete, write, delete, write, give up, bin the email and get back to work.
Only I don't. I think I cancel the email, but I don't. Instead I accidentally press send and a blank, untitled email wings its way into the ether. A query comes back from Lyra so I say that I was going to ask a question but couldn't think how to word it, so it's left there, hanging. The following Tuesday, when we meet again, I grab the only opportunity with any degree of safety (which isn't ideal as it's in a car with me, my wife and a friend who's also kink friendly, making it an acceptable environment but one that must have magnified her nerves if she had any in answering).
In the car with my wife...? Oh yes, I guess that needs some explanation as well doesn't it. Tell you what, I'll make it my next post, or maybe the one after that. Just put it to one side for a moment and come with me on this.
Where were we? Oh yes, the question! What question? I think I said something like “last week when I mentioned kink you looked genuinely interested. Is it something you'd like to explore?”.
What do you mean, that's a bit lame? What were you expecting? A Shakespearean sonnet? Hell, I was content with getting out a coherent sentence that asked the basic question, popped in about the only break in conversation in a three minute car journey.
Most importantly, she said yes. Cue the hallelujah chorus! We didn't get a chance to say much more then, but yes she was interested, and then email was fine to take the conversation forward.
What happened next? I think I'll come back to that but I will say that its been intense, touching, erotic and one hell of a journey. Hold onto your hats, it's going to be a bumpy ride!
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