A very quick post from me today as I'm sitting in my mother's house where I'm staying until next Wednesday (it's amazing how many levels of encryption, security and ensuring that you haven't left a trace of history on the computer that you can remember after so many years of not needing to!)
I'm really glad that I finally have the chance to talk about Lily because there was a real danger of this blog being more about me and Marlowe as we're the two that are going to be contributing most frequently. I wasn't quite sure how involved Lily wanted to be and thus haven't yet written a great deal about the other third of our relationship, but now.. Now I can go a little more into how Lily was an important part of my awakening.
I've said before that I'd never really considered Marlowe in that way before the conversation in the car and a large part of that was because of Lily. Lily is a truly amazing woman. She is strong, independent, scarily intelligent, strikingly beautiful and yet, in the right company she has a little streak of vulnerability that makes her absolutely endearing. (I can see her face as I'm writing this and although she won't openly approve of a critical mass of compliments, I plan to be very honest with this blog, so there!)
I'm incredibly fussy with women. I'm fussy with men because things have to feel right and there has to be something about them that puts me at ease, but with women, it's not so much the putting at ease that matters, it's the "something about them" and that's really hard for me to find in women and equally hard for me to describe. With any relationship there's a balance of dependence, co-dependence, individuality and your ability to be co-independent - a mix of vulnerability vs strength. I think I find that balance reasonably easy with men because there are enough public examples out there to look at and think "yeah, they've got that balance right" or "that doesn't seem right, (s)he isn't him/herself when they're together." I can compare my relationships to the public examples and think about whether I'm at the place that I want to be, whether I should be stronger or whether I should give the poor guy a break and let myself be a little more..obedient? not quite the word I'm looking for but that one appears to have escaped me.
I can't put my finger on why that's different for women. I think we're more sensual, more emotionally aware (yes, broad sweeping statements, I know) and that makes our relationships different, more emotionally intense with no real role models to help think about how things "should" be. Again, "should" isn't the right word but when thinking about such things, I like to have a broad set of examples and be able to go "somewhere between x and y is the right spot for us in this dynamic." So perhaps, getting that balance right is incredibly important but also more difficult for women. Perhaps it's only my experience that has shown this to be true but it has been an issue in the past.
With Lily, things are slightly different because we weren't looking at each other from the perspective of starting a relationship but that strength vs vulnerability balance is now so ingrained into my psychology that it's part of what makes a woman attractive to me. And that's one of Lily's great strengths. I noticed it when I first met her, before I knew that she was married to Marlowe or anything else about her and found her incredible.
At some point soon, I'll try and write about the balance of the relationship(s?) that we have as I think it'll be interesting to explore how I regard both Lily and Marlowe as equals but have completely different relations with them both as individuals. First, we'll have to continue with the story of how we got to this point though!
Thursday, 1 July 2010
Loving Lily
Yay, we have a pseudonym for my wonderful wife. She has decided that in this blog she will be known as Lily.
Lily is an interesting pick as a name as it's one we've used in roleplaying (roleplaying in the kink sense in this instance!). Interesting because it's not a major or regularly used identity, but one that is occasional and intense.
There is a real risk in this blog that Lilys part in it gets overlooked. Play occurs between the three of us but with myself recounting bits and thinking about what was going on for me and with Lyra doing similar it might be easy to miss Lily, to see her as a secondary figure.
You see, Lily is as important a part of this story as anyone. More important in many ways as she is the woman that helped me find myself after years in the wilderness, the woman that taught me to love again.
Lily is in her early thirties, a successful, very well qualified professional and very easy to spend time with, which conceals the fact she's quite scarily bright. We were colleagues for several years before the night when a works social and a lot of red wine meant we actually talked about ourselves.
This meant we knew each other on some levels really rather well already. I'd seen her under intense pressure, dealing with extreme emotion in others, facing aggression and in a dozen other ways many people rarely get to see their partner react to, and she's quite something. Passionate, firey, articulate, brave, empathic and caring.
When we finally noticed each other as people rather than colleagues, our relationship took off very quickly. Quickly but not always comfortably.
You see, we knew each other. We were also both very skilled in working with personal change and dealing with avoidance. That's not comfortable when someone can see straight through the defenses we put up. Particularly if there are hangups - and we both had plenty of those. Lily had to get used to that from me, and struggled with the fact that my regard for her was rather higher than her regard for herself. I had exactly the same problem from her, complicated by the fact that parts of me felt broken, and I had to share with her that I was not sure if I was still capable of truely loving someone.
I had been very hurt years before with the break up of my first marriage and a series of betrayals that all but destroyed my sense of identity and self worth. I survived, but when Lily came along I was still doing just that - surviving not living.
Lyra has a fondness for the Phoenix as a metaphor, and it's quite an appropriate one here. I surprised myself by survival, and learned from my experiences - being consumed by fire transforming into new possibilities and growth. But it was the warmth of Lilys love, and her vulnerability in taking the risk to love me when I did not know if I could do so in return that triggered my rebirth.
Lily taught me to love again, to live again. Without her I would not today be the person who is capable of loving her absolutely and sharing a different type of love and connection with Lyra. With several others actually. Our language is lousy at expressing the various shades of warmth and intimacy between aquaintance, friend, play partner, lover and lifetime love (this is a point I suspect we'll come back to several times!). I think I am by nature loving and quite nurturing, but without Lily I wouldn't be able to love and care for the people I am close to in the way that I do. Most of all she woke me to loving her and a partnership that is impossible to express without sounding cheesily cliched.
Lily, thank you.
Much of what has passed between us and Lyra has been new for Lily it has taken us out of our comfort zone and beyond our normal boundaries.
Growth and exploration may be good things but they're also quite scary, unsettling and challenging, so hopefully we will have some input from Lily as we progress. This is her journey as much as Lyras or my own.
M
Added just before posting
I wrote the text above two days ago. Last night I showed it to Lily to see if she was OK with me posting it. It was quite an emotional experience. It is one thing to know how someone feels about you but comes across with much greater impact when written down and about to go on an open blog.
It has spurred her to get writing as well, so though you are likely to see more posts from Lyra and I, Lily is now planning in being an active contributor.
When she began writing last night, an introduction (which she'll probably post tonight) and a piece about the challenges of these new experiences (which she'll hold onto until we've looked at how our relationship developed), I was not sure whether to post this or not. Again, I'm posting this unedited as it is a clear and honest statement about her. I hope any readers find it interesting and useful.
M
Lily is an interesting pick as a name as it's one we've used in roleplaying (roleplaying in the kink sense in this instance!). Interesting because it's not a major or regularly used identity, but one that is occasional and intense.
There is a real risk in this blog that Lilys part in it gets overlooked. Play occurs between the three of us but with myself recounting bits and thinking about what was going on for me and with Lyra doing similar it might be easy to miss Lily, to see her as a secondary figure.
You see, Lily is as important a part of this story as anyone. More important in many ways as she is the woman that helped me find myself after years in the wilderness, the woman that taught me to love again.
Lily is in her early thirties, a successful, very well qualified professional and very easy to spend time with, which conceals the fact she's quite scarily bright. We were colleagues for several years before the night when a works social and a lot of red wine meant we actually talked about ourselves.
This meant we knew each other on some levels really rather well already. I'd seen her under intense pressure, dealing with extreme emotion in others, facing aggression and in a dozen other ways many people rarely get to see their partner react to, and she's quite something. Passionate, firey, articulate, brave, empathic and caring.
When we finally noticed each other as people rather than colleagues, our relationship took off very quickly. Quickly but not always comfortably.
You see, we knew each other. We were also both very skilled in working with personal change and dealing with avoidance. That's not comfortable when someone can see straight through the defenses we put up. Particularly if there are hangups - and we both had plenty of those. Lily had to get used to that from me, and struggled with the fact that my regard for her was rather higher than her regard for herself. I had exactly the same problem from her, complicated by the fact that parts of me felt broken, and I had to share with her that I was not sure if I was still capable of truely loving someone.
I had been very hurt years before with the break up of my first marriage and a series of betrayals that all but destroyed my sense of identity and self worth. I survived, but when Lily came along I was still doing just that - surviving not living.
Lyra has a fondness for the Phoenix as a metaphor, and it's quite an appropriate one here. I surprised myself by survival, and learned from my experiences - being consumed by fire transforming into new possibilities and growth. But it was the warmth of Lilys love, and her vulnerability in taking the risk to love me when I did not know if I could do so in return that triggered my rebirth.
Lily taught me to love again, to live again. Without her I would not today be the person who is capable of loving her absolutely and sharing a different type of love and connection with Lyra. With several others actually. Our language is lousy at expressing the various shades of warmth and intimacy between aquaintance, friend, play partner, lover and lifetime love (this is a point I suspect we'll come back to several times!). I think I am by nature loving and quite nurturing, but without Lily I wouldn't be able to love and care for the people I am close to in the way that I do. Most of all she woke me to loving her and a partnership that is impossible to express without sounding cheesily cliched.
Lily, thank you.
Much of what has passed between us and Lyra has been new for Lily it has taken us out of our comfort zone and beyond our normal boundaries.
Growth and exploration may be good things but they're also quite scary, unsettling and challenging, so hopefully we will have some input from Lily as we progress. This is her journey as much as Lyras or my own.
M
Added just before posting
I wrote the text above two days ago. Last night I showed it to Lily to see if she was OK with me posting it. It was quite an emotional experience. It is one thing to know how someone feels about you but comes across with much greater impact when written down and about to go on an open blog.
It has spurred her to get writing as well, so though you are likely to see more posts from Lyra and I, Lily is now planning in being an active contributor.
When she began writing last night, an introduction (which she'll probably post tonight) and a piece about the challenges of these new experiences (which she'll hold onto until we've looked at how our relationship developed), I was not sure whether to post this or not. Again, I'm posting this unedited as it is a clear and honest statement about her. I hope any readers find it interesting and useful.
M
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
The girl who said yes...
I wrote this posting the day after we first discussed starting this blog. Since then we have discussed things, set up a blog and written introductions. That renders some of this account less relevant, but I am posting it with a minimum of editing as i think that to re write it would see me editorialising too much and I want what I put here to be as honest and from the heart as I can safely make it.
Some questions are tricky to ask. One of the problems of having obscure tastes is finding out whether they are shared. Role-playing (in the non-kink sense, which is a shared hobby of the three of us and how Lyra met us) is a classic example, as asking the wrong person can get you labelled as geek or freak so one learns some caution in enquiring if you think this might be a shared interest with someone you work with.
With kink, its whole orders of magnitude scarier. Some people treat it as a joke, some treat it as a crime but the trickiest thing is that references to kink are quite commonplace nowadays, but many people who think a bit of slap and tickle is fine can still seriously judge you if you admit you actually like the idea of taking things a little more seriously.
So, what do you do when you think you've seen that glint of real interest? I guess that being mildly “out” about my sexuality in roleplaying circles helps, so at least one can make comments about kink, but there's still that careful veil between light hearted comment with people having a notion that you are a part of the fetish scene (whatever the hell that means – hmm, I'll postpone that rant to another day) and making any comment that might break people.
How do you word it when you think someone might be more seriously interested?
“well, my dear, it looks like you might be interested in kink. It would be lovely to tie you up, cane you and call you nasty names...”
Hmm, maybe not, but then there's the risk of getting trapped in some stumbling, Hugh Grant-esque extended mumbling where you never come to the point, never actually communicate and, frankly, look a bit of a tit!
So, context, its late April, there's a roleplaying game on in our nearest city (that I almost bail on as I'm tired, except I need to NPC – thank the goddess I went!) and I make some comment about "the last time I saw someone playing a maid it went really quite differently ..." to a friend of ours. General humour for those listening with a slight tinge of fun as some people know I probably mean it but, hey, I'm feeling relaxed and a little exhibitionist. Then I see the glint.
The Glint? Come on, surely you know the glint? You've seen it when flirting with someone receptive. You've seen it pass between two people and known, just known, they're fighting to keep passion in check. It's damn easy to be sure about when you see it between others, harder to be sure about when you see a flash of it to a comment of yours. Harder still when the woman involved is seriously cute and seems always popular and surrounded. Sure, we get on OK but she's really pretty and hey, surely she gets any experiences she's interested in?
Only kink's not that simple. It can be a vague restless itch until you find a way to explore it. Even those for whom its a raging fire can spend years finding a way to start exploring in a way that's safe and has real chemistry, so maybe she'd like to play? Maybe she'd really value being pointed into the right direction and introduced to the scene? After all, we have a pretty good range of contacts and there's something lovely about helping set someone on their first faltering steps in exploring their sexuality in safety and support (and there are plenty who start instead in shame and danger).
Then conversation swirls in another direction and the moment goes.
Enough context – what do you do next? Do you ask? How?
Remember here that this is someone who is part of a wider social circle which is important to us and a clumsy and unwanted proposition could have a real effect on our social lives (not to mention reputation!). Is it worth the risk? Life's fine as it is and I'm far from short of kink experiences to access. Hmm.
Next day I write a short email. It's crass and clumsily suggestive. I delete and re-write. It's uncomfortably direct. Delete, write, delete, write, give up, bin the email and get back to work.
Only I don't. I think I cancel the email, but I don't. Instead I accidentally press send and a blank, untitled email wings its way into the ether. A query comes back from Lyra so I say that I was going to ask a question but couldn't think how to word it, so it's left there, hanging. The following Tuesday, when we meet again, I grab the only opportunity with any degree of safety (which isn't ideal as it's in a car with me, my wife and a friend who's also kink friendly, making it an acceptable environment but one that must have magnified her nerves if she had any in answering).
In the car with my wife...? Oh yes, I guess that needs some explanation as well doesn't it. Tell you what, I'll make it my next post, or maybe the one after that. Just put it to one side for a moment and come with me on this.
Where were we? Oh yes, the question! What question? I think I said something like “last week when I mentioned kink you looked genuinely interested. Is it something you'd like to explore?”.
What do you mean, that's a bit lame? What were you expecting? A Shakespearean sonnet? Hell, I was content with getting out a coherent sentence that asked the basic question, popped in about the only break in conversation in a three minute car journey.
Most importantly, she said yes. Cue the hallelujah chorus! We didn't get a chance to say much more then, but yes she was interested, and then email was fine to take the conversation forward.
What happened next? I think I'll come back to that but I will say that its been intense, touching, erotic and one hell of a journey. Hold onto your hats, it's going to be a bumpy ride!
Some questions are tricky to ask. One of the problems of having obscure tastes is finding out whether they are shared. Role-playing (in the non-kink sense, which is a shared hobby of the three of us and how Lyra met us) is a classic example, as asking the wrong person can get you labelled as geek or freak so one learns some caution in enquiring if you think this might be a shared interest with someone you work with.
With kink, its whole orders of magnitude scarier. Some people treat it as a joke, some treat it as a crime but the trickiest thing is that references to kink are quite commonplace nowadays, but many people who think a bit of slap and tickle is fine can still seriously judge you if you admit you actually like the idea of taking things a little more seriously.
So, what do you do when you think you've seen that glint of real interest? I guess that being mildly “out” about my sexuality in roleplaying circles helps, so at least one can make comments about kink, but there's still that careful veil between light hearted comment with people having a notion that you are a part of the fetish scene (whatever the hell that means – hmm, I'll postpone that rant to another day) and making any comment that might break people.
How do you word it when you think someone might be more seriously interested?
“well, my dear, it looks like you might be interested in kink. It would be lovely to tie you up, cane you and call you nasty names...”
Hmm, maybe not, but then there's the risk of getting trapped in some stumbling, Hugh Grant-esque extended mumbling where you never come to the point, never actually communicate and, frankly, look a bit of a tit!
So, context, its late April, there's a roleplaying game on in our nearest city (that I almost bail on as I'm tired, except I need to NPC – thank the goddess I went!) and I make some comment about "the last time I saw someone playing a maid it went really quite differently ..." to a friend of ours. General humour for those listening with a slight tinge of fun as some people know I probably mean it but, hey, I'm feeling relaxed and a little exhibitionist. Then I see the glint.
The Glint? Come on, surely you know the glint? You've seen it when flirting with someone receptive. You've seen it pass between two people and known, just known, they're fighting to keep passion in check. It's damn easy to be sure about when you see it between others, harder to be sure about when you see a flash of it to a comment of yours. Harder still when the woman involved is seriously cute and seems always popular and surrounded. Sure, we get on OK but she's really pretty and hey, surely she gets any experiences she's interested in?
Only kink's not that simple. It can be a vague restless itch until you find a way to explore it. Even those for whom its a raging fire can spend years finding a way to start exploring in a way that's safe and has real chemistry, so maybe she'd like to play? Maybe she'd really value being pointed into the right direction and introduced to the scene? After all, we have a pretty good range of contacts and there's something lovely about helping set someone on their first faltering steps in exploring their sexuality in safety and support (and there are plenty who start instead in shame and danger).
Then conversation swirls in another direction and the moment goes.
Enough context – what do you do next? Do you ask? How?
Remember here that this is someone who is part of a wider social circle which is important to us and a clumsy and unwanted proposition could have a real effect on our social lives (not to mention reputation!). Is it worth the risk? Life's fine as it is and I'm far from short of kink experiences to access. Hmm.
Next day I write a short email. It's crass and clumsily suggestive. I delete and re-write. It's uncomfortably direct. Delete, write, delete, write, give up, bin the email and get back to work.
Only I don't. I think I cancel the email, but I don't. Instead I accidentally press send and a blank, untitled email wings its way into the ether. A query comes back from Lyra so I say that I was going to ask a question but couldn't think how to word it, so it's left there, hanging. The following Tuesday, when we meet again, I grab the only opportunity with any degree of safety (which isn't ideal as it's in a car with me, my wife and a friend who's also kink friendly, making it an acceptable environment but one that must have magnified her nerves if she had any in answering).
In the car with my wife...? Oh yes, I guess that needs some explanation as well doesn't it. Tell you what, I'll make it my next post, or maybe the one after that. Just put it to one side for a moment and come with me on this.
Where were we? Oh yes, the question! What question? I think I said something like “last week when I mentioned kink you looked genuinely interested. Is it something you'd like to explore?”.
What do you mean, that's a bit lame? What were you expecting? A Shakespearean sonnet? Hell, I was content with getting out a coherent sentence that asked the basic question, popped in about the only break in conversation in a three minute car journey.
Most importantly, she said yes. Cue the hallelujah chorus! We didn't get a chance to say much more then, but yes she was interested, and then email was fine to take the conversation forward.
What happened next? I think I'll come back to that but I will say that its been intense, touching, erotic and one hell of a journey. Hold onto your hats, it's going to be a bumpy ride!
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
Terminus a quo
Marlowe might tell you that the starting point was a look in my eye, some form of body language that told him it was ok to ask the question, but for me, the starting point was a blank e.mail - a sign that someone had thought of sending me an email but changed their minds for a reason I wasn't sure of. As you learn more about me I'm sure you'll realise that I have a curiosity complex about as wide as a canyon so a blank email couldn't be left unanswered. That part is almost inconsequential now though, it was an opener to the conversation the next day, in a car with Marlowe's wife and a friend who also frequents the scene.
Never has a 2 minute drive inspired such imagination, interest and intrigue. I can't remember exact words that Marlowe used (my memory isn't quite that good) but it was along the lines of "I've noticed that you seem to have an interest in kink, is that something you'd like to explore or something that you just flirt with?" at which point, my mind was racing. "Yes!" was my exact answer. "Yes, it's something that I'd love to explore" at which point, the journey was over and we were once again surrounded by friends for pizza and a post-game drink at my flat.
I didn't have too much time to think that night until everyone had gone home. I didn't know much about what was meant by the kink-scene (in fact, I still don't really) or what kind of things Marlowe would be into, whether this would lead to actually exploring some of the things that I've been dreaming about for years, or whether this would just be an interesting topic of conversation between friends. I had no idea about Marlowe's links to the scene, his abilities or preferences and that was by far the scariest part, something I would really need to talk about before taking any further steps.
I have a lot of hangups about sex.. actually, that's not quite accurate, I have a lot of hangups about people and how they treat sex. After some particularly nasty experiences a few years ago I find that I can't just play with anyone at any time, I need to mentally prepare myself for it, I need to know and trust who I'm playing with and most importantly, I need to be able to relax. Luckily, I have pretty good instincts about people - not always, but for the most part, I can tell whether I'd be ok playing with someone or whether I'd freak out and scare them off for good. Marlowe was one of those people that I hadn't really considered in that way before - you know, what with him being happily married to an absolutely amazing woman (more on that later), being completely out of my league and not likely to be interested in little plain me.. but yeah, he's extremely attractive, intelligent, funny and has a personality that whispers "I care about you too much to let any harm come to you, we're going to move at your pace and I have good enough instincts to know when something isn't right - more importantly, I know how to deal with things if they don't feel right." And that's how I knew that Marlowe was the right person to corrupt what's left of my innocence ;)
(note: I've never had a relationship based on play rather than sex so at this point, the terms are almost interchangeable, for this I apologise - I'll make the distinction clearer when talking about things that happen in the future but for things that pre-date this blog, you can assume that the terms are interchangeable.)
Never has a 2 minute drive inspired such imagination, interest and intrigue. I can't remember exact words that Marlowe used (my memory isn't quite that good) but it was along the lines of "I've noticed that you seem to have an interest in kink, is that something you'd like to explore or something that you just flirt with?" at which point, my mind was racing. "Yes!" was my exact answer. "Yes, it's something that I'd love to explore" at which point, the journey was over and we were once again surrounded by friends for pizza and a post-game drink at my flat.
I didn't have too much time to think that night until everyone had gone home. I didn't know much about what was meant by the kink-scene (in fact, I still don't really) or what kind of things Marlowe would be into, whether this would lead to actually exploring some of the things that I've been dreaming about for years, or whether this would just be an interesting topic of conversation between friends. I had no idea about Marlowe's links to the scene, his abilities or preferences and that was by far the scariest part, something I would really need to talk about before taking any further steps.
I have a lot of hangups about sex.. actually, that's not quite accurate, I have a lot of hangups about people and how they treat sex. After some particularly nasty experiences a few years ago I find that I can't just play with anyone at any time, I need to mentally prepare myself for it, I need to know and trust who I'm playing with and most importantly, I need to be able to relax. Luckily, I have pretty good instincts about people - not always, but for the most part, I can tell whether I'd be ok playing with someone or whether I'd freak out and scare them off for good. Marlowe was one of those people that I hadn't really considered in that way before - you know, what with him being happily married to an absolutely amazing woman (more on that later), being completely out of my league and not likely to be interested in little plain me.. but yeah, he's extremely attractive, intelligent, funny and has a personality that whispers "I care about you too much to let any harm come to you, we're going to move at your pace and I have good enough instincts to know when something isn't right - more importantly, I know how to deal with things if they don't feel right." And that's how I knew that Marlowe was the right person to corrupt what's left of my innocence ;)
(note: I've never had a relationship based on play rather than sex so at this point, the terms are almost interchangeable, for this I apologise - I'll make the distinction clearer when talking about things that happen in the future but for things that pre-date this blog, you can assume that the terms are interchangeable.)
Once upon a time...
First of all, I believe an introduction is in order. I am Lyra, a 23 year old with completely normal everyday interests. I like to read books and poetry, listen to music, visit friends in various parts of the country and try new things whenever I can. I run a business, I use public transport, I have a fairly normal life.. Or at least that's how my intorduction would have read 8 weeks ago. I still have all of the above but now I also have a slightly darker, less innocent and infinitely more pleasurable life because in the last two months I've had my eyes open to a whole new world.
That's why I'm here now to be honest. I've had a fairly vanilla sex life until recently. I've had two long term (both 3 years, I'm sure you can do the maths) relationships, one of which was experimental but I wouldn't class it as kinky and the other.. well.. I was engaged to man that could politely be called less interesting than a green bean in the bedroom but at least he could keep up.
I've had both male and female partners, sometimes at the same time but largely, they were unremarkable encounters. So now, in this new world of kink and sensuality and hedonistic pleasures, everything feels very surreal. I have weekends away from home with Marlowe and his wife, during which they'll almost undoubtedly unveil another new experience, but at the end of the weekend, as I settle into my own bed and reflect on what I've been up to, I have these hazy memories - images of bodies and skin and hands and toys (I'd never used toys before!) but none of felt real - it felt like I was watching and remembering something that someone else had done. I'm hoping that blogging my experiences as they happen will help me work through what I've been doing, but also, more than anything, I want the memories to be clearer.
I want to be able to look back through this blog and track my experiences, to see how my relationships change with Marlowe and his wife, with my own mind and body and with the people on the scene that are undoubtedly going to change my sex life forever. I want to look back and marvel at my relative innocence (did I mention that I'd never used toys before?) and lastly, I agree with Marlowe. I want to sit here after a year with a glass of champagne (or pimms, or perhaps a mojito or two for old times sake) and celebrate an anniversary of unashamed perversion! Maybe if I'm really good I'll even get a certificate out of it ;)
That's why I'm here now to be honest. I've had a fairly vanilla sex life until recently. I've had two long term (both 3 years, I'm sure you can do the maths) relationships, one of which was experimental but I wouldn't class it as kinky and the other.. well.. I was engaged to man that could politely be called less interesting than a green bean in the bedroom but at least he could keep up.
I've had both male and female partners, sometimes at the same time but largely, they were unremarkable encounters. So now, in this new world of kink and sensuality and hedonistic pleasures, everything feels very surreal. I have weekends away from home with Marlowe and his wife, during which they'll almost undoubtedly unveil another new experience, but at the end of the weekend, as I settle into my own bed and reflect on what I've been up to, I have these hazy memories - images of bodies and skin and hands and toys (I'd never used toys before!) but none of felt real - it felt like I was watching and remembering something that someone else had done. I'm hoping that blogging my experiences as they happen will help me work through what I've been doing, but also, more than anything, I want the memories to be clearer.
I want to be able to look back through this blog and track my experiences, to see how my relationships change with Marlowe and his wife, with my own mind and body and with the people on the scene that are undoubtedly going to change my sex life forever. I want to look back and marvel at my relative innocence (did I mention that I'd never used toys before?) and lastly, I agree with Marlowe. I want to sit here after a year with a glass of champagne (or pimms, or perhaps a mojito or two for old times sake) and celebrate an anniversary of unashamed perversion! Maybe if I'm really good I'll even get a certificate out of it ;)
Well, hello
So, here we go with a first posting. I doubt this will attract all that much notice from the world, but it feels quite a big thing for me.
Why am I blogging? Well, the basic idea of the blog sits in the description above but it feels worthy of some further explanation, to clarify my thoughts if nothing else.
I've had contact with the fetish scene for a long time now, and I've had occasional polyamourous relationships before but the last few weeks have found me in new situations. Ones that I'd like to understand and treasure. Ones that seem worthy of both record and reflection. You see, in many years of kink and sexuality (over 20 years scarily, though I did start early!) I have never found myself in the position of having a partner I love so deeply and a circle of such good kinky friends. To add a wonderful new person into that, and share her exploration of kink for the first time is quite something.
The idea for this blog came about nine days ago, sitting in the garden sipping a mohito in blazing sunshine early on Sunday afternoon after a wonderfully sensual weekend. I had just said that there are times when life is just good. I was feeling warm, loving, sated and very lucky with my head full of the image of earlier that morning, bringing two wonderful women to a simultaneous climax as they clung to each other and kissed frantically. Wonderful and intoxicating.
Lyra commented that her only worry was that much of the time we had spent together felt really wonderful, but was so removed from normal reality that after a few days it started to feel like a beautiful dream, and dreams fade and feel unreal. It would be good to hold on to those memories fresh.
This tapped into some thoughts of mine that had been rattling around for a while. Before Lyra ever joined us to explore kink I had been blogging some memories on a private blog and thinking about blogging more publically to see if input and comment might shed some light on questions I had set aside but never resolved - most notably, why did I enjoy kink in the first place and the big question of why on earth I enjoy being dominant or "topping".
I'd discussed this at some length with Abel (of "the spanking writers"), who was very positive about what he had gained from feedback to his site. So, here we go. Let's record and preserve some memories, and let's see if that reflection allows me to understand more fully myself and my kink.
I think I will be helped in that by Lyras contributions to this blog. She plans on posting just as actively as I do. It will be interesting to hear things from her perspective and as we both explore how we respond to situations it may help both our understandings.
Time commitments and other blogging mean that we will hear less from the third person involved, but I hope she will contribute occasionally, at least in comment form (it seems odd referring to my wonderful life partner as "the third person" when she is the strongest influence on me, I love her with a passion and she is the most impressive woman I've ever known, but I'm still waiting for her to pick a pseudonym!).
We are planning to progress this blog chronologically, as it happened, but at an increased pace so that we catch up the eight weeks or so since we first talked about kink in a few weeks and can then post in real time. That means that there are pieces waiting already written that will be posted later. I'll try and let people know where stuff was composed out of sequence. In my considerations about why I enjoy topping, I may draw on some other recent experiences as well, though these will definately be out of sequence.
By the nature of exploration, there are no guarantees that this will progress smoothly and stably. It is possible that by the time we have caught up with our backlog of experiences and are running in real time, we will no longer be lovers with Lyra, though I sincerely hope that is not the case. I think that our friendship and similar direction of enquiry means that this blog will carry on regardless but, hey, we'll have to see where it goes! I'm hoping to be celebrating the anniversary of the site with champagne and stories of our latest life affirming exploits.
As one final thought, you may be wondering what "kink" means to us, after all it's a broad church. I'm not going to try and define it here, I think that will be quite obvious enough when we get round to discussing it!
So, welcome and I hope some of you out there enjoy reading what we put down, and can contribute to our journey with your thoughts.
M
Why am I blogging? Well, the basic idea of the blog sits in the description above but it feels worthy of some further explanation, to clarify my thoughts if nothing else.
I've had contact with the fetish scene for a long time now, and I've had occasional polyamourous relationships before but the last few weeks have found me in new situations. Ones that I'd like to understand and treasure. Ones that seem worthy of both record and reflection. You see, in many years of kink and sexuality (over 20 years scarily, though I did start early!) I have never found myself in the position of having a partner I love so deeply and a circle of such good kinky friends. To add a wonderful new person into that, and share her exploration of kink for the first time is quite something.
The idea for this blog came about nine days ago, sitting in the garden sipping a mohito in blazing sunshine early on Sunday afternoon after a wonderfully sensual weekend. I had just said that there are times when life is just good. I was feeling warm, loving, sated and very lucky with my head full of the image of earlier that morning, bringing two wonderful women to a simultaneous climax as they clung to each other and kissed frantically. Wonderful and intoxicating.
Lyra commented that her only worry was that much of the time we had spent together felt really wonderful, but was so removed from normal reality that after a few days it started to feel like a beautiful dream, and dreams fade and feel unreal. It would be good to hold on to those memories fresh.
This tapped into some thoughts of mine that had been rattling around for a while. Before Lyra ever joined us to explore kink I had been blogging some memories on a private blog and thinking about blogging more publically to see if input and comment might shed some light on questions I had set aside but never resolved - most notably, why did I enjoy kink in the first place and the big question of why on earth I enjoy being dominant or "topping".
I'd discussed this at some length with Abel (of "the spanking writers"), who was very positive about what he had gained from feedback to his site. So, here we go. Let's record and preserve some memories, and let's see if that reflection allows me to understand more fully myself and my kink.
I think I will be helped in that by Lyras contributions to this blog. She plans on posting just as actively as I do. It will be interesting to hear things from her perspective and as we both explore how we respond to situations it may help both our understandings.
Time commitments and other blogging mean that we will hear less from the third person involved, but I hope she will contribute occasionally, at least in comment form (it seems odd referring to my wonderful life partner as "the third person" when she is the strongest influence on me, I love her with a passion and she is the most impressive woman I've ever known, but I'm still waiting for her to pick a pseudonym!).
We are planning to progress this blog chronologically, as it happened, but at an increased pace so that we catch up the eight weeks or so since we first talked about kink in a few weeks and can then post in real time. That means that there are pieces waiting already written that will be posted later. I'll try and let people know where stuff was composed out of sequence. In my considerations about why I enjoy topping, I may draw on some other recent experiences as well, though these will definately be out of sequence.
By the nature of exploration, there are no guarantees that this will progress smoothly and stably. It is possible that by the time we have caught up with our backlog of experiences and are running in real time, we will no longer be lovers with Lyra, though I sincerely hope that is not the case. I think that our friendship and similar direction of enquiry means that this blog will carry on regardless but, hey, we'll have to see where it goes! I'm hoping to be celebrating the anniversary of the site with champagne and stories of our latest life affirming exploits.
As one final thought, you may be wondering what "kink" means to us, after all it's a broad church. I'm not going to try and define it here, I think that will be quite obvious enough when we get round to discussing it!
So, welcome and I hope some of you out there enjoy reading what we put down, and can contribute to our journey with your thoughts.
M
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