The first night: Lily's memories

I struggle to hold as clear a memory of that first night as Marlowe. For me, only impressions and sensations remain.

I remember the awkward tension that pervaded much of the first part of the evening which was interesting to me; we had previously talked other newbies through kink, had showed others the dungeon and introduced others to rope play but I had never experienced that level of awkwardness or tension. At the time it was unclear it this was a reflection of Lyra's nervousness or whether this was different. Given the outcome, I guess it is best explained by the presence of a sexual tension that we had never experience before and therefore were oblivious to.

I remember the shift that occurred as we moved from kink to intimacy. In the realm of kink, I found myself relatively confident, comfortable and self assured. In contrast Lyra appeared tentative; curious and engaged, but tentative. As we moved towards intimacy, I felt myself grow initially very tentative. I had never kissed a woman (in more than jest) before and the difference in sensation removed any sense of confidence. I had no idea of how one approached intimacy with a woman and I found myself transported back to my teenage years once more.

I remember that this fell away as we became increasingly comfortable with each other and that nervousness moved to curiousity which moved to confidence. I remember that this went on to move to no thought at all and an overwhelming sense of rightness which is hard to explain.

Like Marlowe, I awoke calm and peaceful. Like Marlowe, this is almost an alien state of being for me.

I have at times struggled to hang on to this calm as thoughts and beliefs have intruded but these seem to originate in societal views, concerns about others, etc. rather than from my feelings. My instinctive reaction to that first night was how right and how loving this experience was. I hope this was the same for Lyra.