Time to pause and look around me

Hello all, 

Abel has made some fantastic contributions in his comments on the last three postings but they are ones I have really struggled to know how to respond to. In fact this sense of being unsure how to respond has held up several other communications as well (sorry Kami, I've been meaning to reply to your last email for ages). 

You see, there's a real problem in knowing how to respond to a comment posted about a situation that is some distance in the past. We don't seem to have caught up with the current time stream much yet (if at all), so the last postings were written by both myself and Lily looking back to what was going on for us at the time. In both cases, we haven't entirely succeeded, as my developing sense of what I felt for Lyra and Lilys awareness of her mix of responses and where they came from developed over a period of time. That still means that the last posts were documenting a place quite a long way from where we are now. 

It makes it extremely difficult to know quite how to comment on some of the points Abel raises without acknowledging how we have developed since. To do that means, I think, that we need to start posting things from where we are now as well as catching up on how the relationship with Lyra progressed. In our case that also leaves a rather large elephant in the room.

The elephant is that our relationship with Lyra is now over. This leaves an odd situation where there is still the bulk of a relationship that I'd like to document and reflect on. From where the narrative currently rests there are still four days and six nights that we spent together, plus ongoing social and email contact. I learned more and grew more and Lilys journey was even greater, really only reaching any sense of conclusion after the relationship had ended. 

What I have written thus far has been interesting to me (I still worry it's probably dull to anyone else, but the feedbacks been good so hopefully it's of interest to others) and gives me some sense that it is worth continuing to blog long term. Blogging has really helped me think about and process what has occurred, but I need to look at more aspects of my experience. So, I think I need to add in some categories, and be able to post about what's happening now, how things went with Lyra, and other aspects of historical stuff that bear on to my kink and sexual identity. 

I guess the question brimming on peoples lips is likely to be "what caused the relationship to end". I guess I'll explore that as that narrative moves forward, but the simplest response is that it didn't appear to particularly falter. It was overtaken for Lyra by something more important. An old friendship blossomed into something more. 

This is something where Abels comments really struck a chord with me. He talks about wondering if his girlfriends will find a more complete relationship and what that will mean for their dynamic, but also expresses really well that sense that if you actually care for someone, then you want to support them in developing things which enrich their lives. This is very much my experience. Watching the relationship end was really painful, but was helped by thinking that she was probably doing exactly the right thing for her to grow. She goes with all our goodwill.   

Since that ending, we have had little contact from Lyra. Again, this is painful but is sometimes what people need. I intend to leave her as an author to this blog and hope that she may want to share thoughts with us in the future.

Where does that leave Lily and I?

Interestingly, I think for Lily the space and ability to reflect back on a now finished relationship has helped her get a stronger sense of the positives and negatives, and the sense of loss really surprised her. Talking about it last weekend, seemed to have left her with a strong sense that she would like to explore this sort of relationship in the future, and what boundaries she would need to feel really happy with it.

Finding someone with real chemistry with both of us again may or may not happen, but it's something we are open to. 

Me? I got my heart burned, as predicted. You know what? I wouldn't change it at all. It's brought me back to parts of myself I thought gone forever, opened up the amount I can feel and has left me with some wonderful memories. My only worry was about Lily, and she seems to have gained a lot from the experience overall.

So that's where we are. I'll put in some categories and mix posting about the past, and about now and look forward to new adventures in the future. 

Incidentally, I think I mentioned when I started blogging that the first posting I wrote was just as the relationship with Lyra was starting, and was about a different subject entirely - what I get out of topping. I found it again the other day. Should I post it?